Unfunded in the MFA

I haven't posted in a long, long time. In fact, I haven't written a single post since I've actually been in my MFA program. Why? In the beginning, it was because I was so busy trying to get my footing that I never had a moment to post. The first few months were a dream: I met so many new and enthralling writers (both my peers, professors, and writers from outside the Mason community), I took engaging and wonderful classes, I wrote 79 poems in one semester for my "79 Works" class (no big deal), and I felt like I was in the right place.

Then, winter hit. November, December, the dark months. In the flurry of getting ready for the semester end, I started thinking about what was coming ahead. I had to prepare for another difficult process. Having come to George Mason unfunded, I knew that a long-and-hard battle for funding was coming up.

George Mason invites it's continuing students the chance to apply for a teaching assistantship in their second year. For those of us who are unfunded, we know it's going to be a painful, uphill battle. Dissatisfaction sets in. Fear sets in. We start to panic and wonder whether we'll be able to stay in the program for two more years without funding. Back-up plans are made. I started hoarding all my money, trying not to go out as much. I stopped buying unnecessary books, clothing, food, etc. I started to think about getting a full-time job and going to school part time. This process does terrible things to a person. I started to think about leaving, moving back home, starting over again.

And then the TA officially process began. In a desperate bid for an unknowable number of spots, about a dozen of us applied. We interviewed, we worried, we got ulcers, we had panic attacks. We cried about it, we wrote about it, we drank about it. And now, finally, after weeks of waiting, we know.

I was offered my TA position over two weeks ago, and since that fateful Thursday afternoon, I have existed in a state of sun-drenched relief. Next year, I'll be tutoring in the Writing Center and preparing to teach Composition and Literature in my third year. I am delighted. And for once I am free from the worries that come with finances, the insecurity that comes with not knowing how I'm going to continue on this path. I will no longer have to work roughly thirty hours a week on top of my class load. Starting in the fall, I'll be a fully-funded MFAer. I can't believe it.

In accepting my TA position, I exchanged several emails with the program director. In one, he thanked me for my "great bravery" in coming into the program unfunded. I know that right now there are many students about to enter MFA programs without funding. Some people would call that decision stupidity, but I agree that's it's bravery. We can go on and on about how MFAs should be funded, how this degree should cost nothing. And yes, holding out for funding is an option. But for so many others, accepting an unfunded spot can be the RIGHT CHOICE. If I hadn't taken the spot I did, I'd be miserably unemployed in a state (Michigan) whose education system is failing and whose economy is still degenerating. But instead, I'm in a vibrant place with several jobs I love, and the job I've always wanted starting in the fall. And I'm getting the time and support I need to write. For those of us who decide to take the leap, financial consequences be damned, this is an act of bravery, an act of faith. We are making an investment in our lives, our selves, and our futures. There is value in that.

I'll admit, it's easier to say all this from the position of financial security. It's easier to believe it. But that doesn't mean it's any less true. I felt like someone needs to talk about being unfunded: not about the struggle (although it is one) or the stress (lots of that, too), but about the benefits of taking the leap. You're welcome to disagree with me, many do, but for those of you who are out there and unfunded, know that it can one of the best decisions you've made.

Ending poems

First off, congratulations to all the people making decisions now, and especially to the people who have already made their decisions, and joined us on The MFA Chronicles.

I'd like to take advantage of the heightened site traffic to pose a hypothetical question or two about poems. Someone asked me this question that I'd like to pretend I have an answer to, but also find myself asking: When do you end a poem? (By this meaning when do you know a poem is finished, but in the generative sense of it being done on the page more than in the sense that you've made your last revision.) In other words, where do you stop discovering?

I use a couple strategies to tell when a poem is finished. The first is just stopping when it feels done, then taking a break from it and coming back when I can look at it with fresh eyes. Usually when I look at it again, something new needs to happen.

There's also working until discovering what the poem knew that I didn't, and then revising with that discovery in mind.

Another useful strategy is to ask, at the end of a poem, "and then?" If that's a legitimate question, the poem's probably not over yet.

I guess the poem should be understandable in terms of emotional purpose/narrative or meditation making sense/argument being finished/that feeling of being punched in the gut by the end, but what I'm really looking for, above all those other things, is surprising myself.

If I'm being super hard on myself though, I might ask, "Can/should a genuinely potential reader say 'so what?' to these poems?" What I really mean by that is if the poem was in my first book, would I not want the reader (trying to decide whether to buy my book) to open my book to that poem?

What do you all think? How do you know when you've reached the end of the line with the poem on the page?

Malibu Barbie vs. Hawaiian Fun Skipper

The last few years have been spent with two goals mind: 1) Finish my book, 2) Get into a MFA program. I’ve run through every emotion that I’m sure all of you have. I’ve been at the bottom of the ravine, looking up and thinking: what the eff? I’ve hemmed and I’ve hawed. I’ve retreated, backpedaled, swam through the rivers of self-doubt, charged feebly through the walls of rejection and in the end when the dust settled, I found myself a tiny bit closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. All this to say that I’ve been accepted to several programs and now face the task of making the right choice.

Lately I’ve been rather content to sweat over the change I see in the distance. The MFA application process is so self-involved and so obnoxious in its ability to wrap even the most calm psyche up into fever that I don’t believe many of us are able to comprehend that life goes on after the results are in. I’ve weighed the possibilities of faculty, area and time. I’ve even panicked over funding, which I had never even considered crying over until various blogs commanded I do so. Now I'm waking up from my hibernation in a daze, like wha? Last year I held onto one waitlist that strung me along by nose all the way through July. This year, I’m writing this from the Southwest terminal of LaGuardia airport at 5am, currently on my way to Chicago to visit the School of the Art Institute in Chicago. I’m somewhere between alive and asleep. Not just because it’s 5:08am in the friggin’ morning, but because I've come to realize that if and when I take one of my offers, I will be starting the next phase of my life which for the past two years has been nothing but some semblance of a dream.

The point being, life never turns out the way you planned it. I wish I could give you a bullet point list to illustrate my reasoning, but my mind is a body of water that strains bridges and dams. If you’re as spiritual as I like to believe I am then hopefully you’ve realized that God has one hell of a sick and twisted sense of humor. My remedial understanding of blessings is that the lord will always deliver, but never on your time, and it’s never the exact package you asked for. You want Malibu Barbie? The Lord brings you Hawaiian Fun Skipper. Well gee thanks, God. Hawaiian Fun Skipper is cool and all, but I wanted the pink convertible and you gave me a pink scooter. There’s some deeper meaning in this, right? Some lesson I will come to realize ten years from now that’ll make me go: Ooooooh...well now I've gotta get on my knees and pray.

For me, my Malibu Barbie was Columbia University. Yes, yes, boo and hiss, wah-wah funding and all that jazz, but I felt that program was perfect for me. I have a life here in New York that I never wanted to give up. I would have sacrificed a few lambs and slapped my momma silly to figure out the finances, but it was worth staying here and continuing the life I'm comfortable with. Alas, I found Hawaiian Fun Skipper under my Christmas tree. Believe me, there was no sadness. Just a quick pause then the happy-bunny-hoppity-hop dance commenced. Now the novelty of it all is wearing off and I’m examining Skipper, I’m noticing the differences between her and Barbie and I’m realizing the warm and fuzzy vision I had in my head is not my reality. Is my vision better than my reality? I don't think so, but I think visions allow us to have our cake and eat it too. My reality is asking me to lose some weight. It requires a lot more courage than the comfy dream I had set out for myself.

I’m currently in the midst of visiting schools: Colorado Boulder, The School of the Art Institute in Chicago and the University of New Orleans. I thought all my choices were in, until last week when I received a phone call from Goldsmiths College, University of London. So once again, my situation has changed and every time I think about it, my brain explodes. Do I study at a MFA program or study at a MA program? I’ve been doing my research and have found pros and cons to both. There are plenty of authors doing quite well with a MA (Hello, Kazuo Ishiguro!) But I already had it in my mind that I’d spend two years in a MFA program, teaching undergraduates and finishing up my novel. What can I possibly accomplish in a yearlong MA program? Meet a hot British guy and make him my husband.

MA degrees are generally less practice based, although my interview with Professor Stephen Knight claims otherwise. I’ll be subjected to more theory and the study of literature, which I’m always fascinated by. I won’t be able to gather any adequate teaching experience in a year. However, if I chose a MA, I could be out of school in half the time and from there reapply to MFA programs right afterwards.

But do I want to be in various schools for that long? Well, if I’m funded why not? If I go to Colorado Boulder, I’ll be in school for 3 years. If I go to London and attend another program afterwards, I could wrack up twice as many degrees in the same amount of time. Plus I’ll be able to live abroad for at least one of those three years. Then again if I already know that I’ll still covet a MFA even after receiving my MA, am I wasting my time? Maybe I should just accept one of my MFA offers and get it over with already. I mean, Jesus, I’m not getting any younger. My facebook is filled with friends getting married and popping out babies. Even my mother, who is practically the face of women who work on their careers before settling down with a husband to start a family, has reverted into a 1950s nosey neighbor: When you gonna get married and give your poor momma some grandkids?

The point is: great, I’ve got direction so…what do I do now? And the only reply I have for myself is: I love my Hawaiian Fun Skipper, so, so freaking much!

I will blog about adventures in the Windy City soon! :D

Howdy/ On Choosing Cornell

About a week ago I officially accepted a position in the MFA program at Cornell. I had been pretty torn between Cornell and U Michigan. I also briefly considered NYU (who gave me shit for funding) and Virginia Commonwealth (which is less well ranked, but has an outstanding faculty and Blackbird).

What sold me on Cornell:

• I am mildly obsessed with Lyrae Van Clief-Stefanon's poetry-- when I think about where I am trying to go with my writing, I think she is very close to the poetry I want to write. There are certainly writers at U Michigan (ie A. Van Jordan) who I am also pretty obsessed with. 
• I greatly enjoyed sitting in on an MFA workshop with Alice Fulton when I visited there. I really appreciated the advice she gave on student work. I also was really impressed and intrigued by the work of the current students there. 
• I am excited about the chance to work on another journal next year, especially one as renowned as Epoch. I also am excited to not have to teach until my second year. U Michigan didn't want me to teach my first year, but I was going to have to be a grader for one semester, which sounds like getting stuck with all the worst parts of teaching. 
• I am very excited about the flexibility Cornell allows in its teaching assignments the second year. I sat in on one of he "Freshmen Writing Seminars," and I was really impressed by the discussions and caliber or writing from the undergrads. I sat in on a FWS on "Crime Literature," where they were discussing a Flannery O'Connor story and workshopped one student's critical essay. 
• Additionally, during the 2 years of post-grad fellowship, MFAs get to design their own courses and teach creative writing. My head can't stop spinning with ideas for courses I'd like to design and poems I want to assign. 
• Also, did I mention there's a 2 year post grad fellowship and they provide one of the best yearly MFA stipends I've heard of-- with guaranteed summer funding, it's bout $27k a year. I can actually live and occasionally buy new shoes on that. Also, I know I'm going to get paid to write poetry for the next 4 years of my life. As someone who's been working more than full time since undergrad, I definitely appreciate the privilege of time to write. I should note that U Mich sounds like they are now guaranteeing a 1 year post-grad fellowship, but Cornell's funding package still sounds better and Ithaca is actually cheaper to live in than Ann Arbor. 
• It's beautiful in Ithaca. I think I will have phenomenal legs after living there and navigating those hills. Also, I have an awesome opportunity to title a chapbook Gorge. Come on-- that is an awesome title.
• I have never lived on the east coast and I've spent the majority of my life in Michigan (I'm in Chicago now). Although, it would be convenient to live close to old friends, I think it will be good for me to get away from the Midwest for a bit.  
• Because Cornell is such a small program in somewhat of an isolated location, it was really important to me that the other MFA students seemed like the kind of people who would help wobble me home drunk from the bar. In all honesty, I think my mind was pretty much made up at a gay bar named Felicia's. They are just good people, and I'm excited to get to spend more time with them. 

I currently have a lease for a gorgeous 1-bedroom in Ithaca that's about a 7 minute walk from the building where most of the English courses take place. Also, Nabakov used to live there (in another unit in the building). For some reason that's really cool to me. I'm going to have lots of windows and 2 walk-in closets and room for a queen-sized bed-- all on a grad student salary. It's making my gang-tagged front door and cupboard-sized bedroom and the constant light and rattle of train tracks and 1 1/2 hour commute to work look a little less remarkable. 

Jami Nakamura Lin (Penn State, 2013)

So, this was going to be my Recruitment Weekend, Part Two, post-- but instead, it's my official acceptance post. As of August, I'm going to be a Nittany Lion, and I couldn't be more excited. As my gushing previous post probably proved, I loved everything about my time there.

Now that I'm nearing the end of this MFA journey, I probably should give a little background about me since I skipped over that part last time in my excitement for Penn State's recruitment weekend.

I'm a senior in college and a psychology major. I signed up to take my senior capstone required psychology class in the fall, but instead was assigned to the spring section. Since I had an extra space in my schedule, I thought creative writing might be fun, since I've always loved writing but hadn't had time to take it in school. So I signed up for a nonfiction class. After one of my stories was workshopped, my professor asked me if I had considered an MFA. I hadn't, because my plan was to get my master's in social work. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that writing is my main passion and that I would be happiest doing that. So I thought, why not? And delved in.

If I had realized what an arduous, painful process this was, I probably wouldn't have gone through it, so I'm glad I didn't know! Luckily, online communities provided a lot of support throughout these otherwise tortuous times.

So what am I doing for the next few months? Trying to find a roommate and an apartment, and figure out what I'm doing this summer. I applied for the Tin House summer writing workshop, but I won't be able to attend unless I get a full scholarship, so we'll see how that goes. Otherwise I'll probably just bum around until August, when I'll move to State College. I'll keep y'all updated on the process!

Iowa vs Cornell vs Michigan

My name is Mary-Alice, and I am a poet heading to Michigan this fall. I am very, very nervous about whether or not I made the right decision, as I was in the unbelievably lucky position of also getting into Iowa and Cornell, and it was impossible for me to visit before committing. I won't focus on the things I didn't like about Iowa or Cornell because I know they're great programs. They just aren't as good a fit for me as Michigan is.

That said, I think Michigan's program is the right choice for me for the following reasons:

• Beginning with my cohort, Michigan is a 3-year program for those who choose it. We'll graduate in 2 years and have the option of taking a $25k fellowship to complete a book over the course of a year. This development sealed it for me. It appears that if I want to stay and teach for a 4th year, that may also be possible.
  
• The size of the program (22) seems just about right. Iowa has almost 50 students each year, and Cornell has 8. Both extremes in size turned me off. I've already received a lot of personal attention from the faculty, and I think I will be able to form close relationships here without feeling stifled.
  
• My first year I will have no teaching responsibilities, so I can intern at the University of Michigan Press, Canarium Press (a new poetry press), and the Michigan Quarterly Review for a few hours each.
  
• My second year I will get experience teaching both composition and creative writing. I will be given wide latitude in designing and teaching the creative writing course. Michigan's pedagogical training looks amazing.
  
• I like the academic emphasis of the program. There's a required reading list to ensure everyone has a solid background, and each semester we are to take an academic course along with the workshop. H0wever, there's a lot of latitude in this requirement, with MFA students often being allowed to do creative projects instead of writing term papers. And it's easy enough to substitute writing courses (I plan on taking creative nonfiction this fall).
• The University of Michigan has a great reputation around the world, and therefore offers strong classes in every department I might explore, a good alumni network, and world-class facilities.
  
• Even though I hate winter, I could see myself in Ann Arbor for 3 or more years. It's diverse and progressive with a fabulous literary scene, has the most bookstores per capita of any city in the US, and is consistently ranked as one of the best places to live. There's not so much to do that campus life suffers (I wouldn't want to go to school in NYC for this reason), but there is enough to do that I wouldn't ever be bored.
• No particular aesthetic is championed or encouraged. There is no homogenizing effect.
  
• This doesn't mean much, but Michigan had one student in poetry win the Stegner, while Iowa had none in poetry. This leads me to believe that going to Iowa would not necessarily give anyone an advantage in winning the Stegner, something I hope to do after my 3 years at Ann Arbor.
  
• Michigan has dedicated advisers who help students navigate the job market after graduation and hosts colloquia on publishing and teaching periodically. Iowa explicitly says it doesn't have the resources to do this.
• The students just seem really damn happy, united, and enthusiastic. They're always together socially, and have organized an informal first-year reading series to prepare for the second-year series, which attracts a sizeable audience. I have no doubt that everyone in my cohort will be passionate and talented. I have a lot to learn from them.
  
• Last and perhaps least, there is the amazing funding. In addition to the comfortable stipend, there is money to do internships, to travel and do research, and the opportunity to win tens of thousands of dollars in prizes.
  

There were lots of other random, tiny perks (I'm actually excited about exploring Detroit when/if I have time), but in the end, I just did my research, talked to lots of current students at each place, and went with my gut. I hope I have made the right decision and I will continue to chronicle my experience at Michigan here.

Penn State's Recruitment Weekend (part one)

Greetings, current and future MFA-ers! My name is Jami Nakamura Lin (to differentiate myself from this lovely lady, who unfortunately happens to be an author) and I hail from the outskirts of Chicago. I currently am finishing up my undergraduate studies (in psychology!) at a small liberal arts school, and will be headed to an MFA program in the fall for creative nonfiction. I'll write more about me later, but for now I want to talk about Penn State. I just spent the weekend there, and they suckered me in hook, line, and sinker.

I've also been accepted to Portland State and Miami of Ohio (which is an MA creative writing program), and waitlisted at Ohio University (also an MA program). Although I love Portland, they couldn't offer me funding, and since I gots no monies, that isn't really an option. Miami of Ohio and Penn State offered me similarly generous funding offers, so money isn't really an issue in making a decision between the two.

Penn State, however, has been above and beyond helpful through this whole process. The director, Bill Cobb, put me in touch with several current students who very eagerly and thoroughly answered all my nagging, tedious questions. Every time I was confused about something, I got a response right away.

But on to the recruitment weekend!  Here is a shortened version of what happened, and I'll post a longer, less-relevant version on my personal blog later (probably tomorrow).

I knew Penn State held a recruitment weekend because I obsessively read this blog through the fall and read all of Emily Anderson's posts, but I still wasn't really sure what to expect. The weekend officially started on Friday, but because I had previous commitments, I wasn't able to attend until Saturday morning. I missed out on a reading and a pizza party. The English Department had us stay at the local Atherton Hotel, right downtown. I walked in late on an info/Q&A session for all the incoming MFA and MA/PhD students. Most of the questions were more relevant for the MA/PhD students than for us MFA-ers, and I was still feeling dislocated. But then there was a special lunch at an Indian restaurant just for the MFA students. There were six of us recruits-- two per genre. Most of the current MFA students were there, and we sat at separate tables by genre, and just got to chat with them and find out more about the program.

What really struck me was the dynamic of all the people in the program. It's very small, but from everyone I've talked to, it's a very open, encouraging community. There's no cutthroat competitiveness, and you know everyone personally. I come from a really small college with a similar sense of community, and felt really comfortable with the MFA students right away. Again, above and beyond helpful.

One of the students then gave us a mini-tour of the campus-- we got to see where readings were held, where the literary magazines were, the TA offices, a typical classroom, basically all the English-related places. A bit later, there was a faculty round table discussion where each member of the English department went around, told us about his or her area of expertise, and whatever else they felt like. That was long, but very informative. Afterwards, I got to talk to Elizabeth Kadetsky, one of the nonfiction professors, and discovered she went to school with both Aimee Bender, my favorite author, and Alice Sebold. I promptly fell over and died. In reality, I probably just gaped unseemingly. She was very gracious and helpful and remembered all these small details from my writing sample and SOP. I was amazed.

After that, there was a wine and appetizers event at the University Club across the street, where all of the incoming students, some current students, and all the faculty mingled for a couple hours (and where I gorged myself on pinot grigio and cheese cubes). I met most of the MFA faculty, and learned a lot more about the program. One thing I'm very excited about is the Writer in the Community class, where you basically go lead workshops in non-academic settings like shelters, nursing homes, etc. Since I want to be a writing therapist, this was right up my alley. I know I'm sounding like a broken record, but everyone was just so nice and genuinely interested in me and my writing. I felt so welcomed. Then two of the other MFA girls and I went downtown with a couple current MFA students who showed us around. It was a great time.

This is super long already so I'm going to stop for now-- I'll write part two later and there will be more inane rambling on my personal blog.