Unfunded in the MFA

I haven't posted in a long, long time. In fact, I haven't written a single post since I've actually been in my MFA program. Why? In the beginning, it was because I was so busy trying to get my footing that I never had a moment to post. The first few months were a dream: I met so many new and enthralling writers (both my peers, professors, and writers from outside the Mason community), I took engaging and wonderful classes, I wrote 79 poems in one semester for my "79 Works" class (no big deal), and I felt like I was in the right place.

Then, winter hit. November, December, the dark months. In the flurry of getting ready for the semester end, I started thinking about what was coming ahead. I had to prepare for another difficult process. Having come to George Mason unfunded, I knew that a long-and-hard battle for funding was coming up.

George Mason invites it's continuing students the chance to apply for a teaching assistantship in their second year. For those of us who are unfunded, we know it's going to be a painful, uphill battle. Dissatisfaction sets in. Fear sets in. We start to panic and wonder whether we'll be able to stay in the program for two more years without funding. Back-up plans are made. I started hoarding all my money, trying not to go out as much. I stopped buying unnecessary books, clothing, food, etc. I started to think about getting a full-time job and going to school part time. This process does terrible things to a person. I started to think about leaving, moving back home, starting over again.

And then the TA officially process began. In a desperate bid for an unknowable number of spots, about a dozen of us applied. We interviewed, we worried, we got ulcers, we had panic attacks. We cried about it, we wrote about it, we drank about it. And now, finally, after weeks of waiting, we know.

I was offered my TA position over two weeks ago, and since that fateful Thursday afternoon, I have existed in a state of sun-drenched relief. Next year, I'll be tutoring in the Writing Center and preparing to teach Composition and Literature in my third year. I am delighted. And for once I am free from the worries that come with finances, the insecurity that comes with not knowing how I'm going to continue on this path. I will no longer have to work roughly thirty hours a week on top of my class load. Starting in the fall, I'll be a fully-funded MFAer. I can't believe it.

In accepting my TA position, I exchanged several emails with the program director. In one, he thanked me for my "great bravery" in coming into the program unfunded. I know that right now there are many students about to enter MFA programs without funding. Some people would call that decision stupidity, but I agree that's it's bravery. We can go on and on about how MFAs should be funded, how this degree should cost nothing. And yes, holding out for funding is an option. But for so many others, accepting an unfunded spot can be the RIGHT CHOICE. If I hadn't taken the spot I did, I'd be miserably unemployed in a state (Michigan) whose education system is failing and whose economy is still degenerating. But instead, I'm in a vibrant place with several jobs I love, and the job I've always wanted starting in the fall. And I'm getting the time and support I need to write. For those of us who decide to take the leap, financial consequences be damned, this is an act of bravery, an act of faith. We are making an investment in our lives, our selves, and our futures. There is value in that.

I'll admit, it's easier to say all this from the position of financial security. It's easier to believe it. But that doesn't mean it's any less true. I felt like someone needs to talk about being unfunded: not about the struggle (although it is one) or the stress (lots of that, too), but about the benefits of taking the leap. You're welcome to disagree with me, many do, but for those of you who are out there and unfunded, know that it can one of the best decisions you've made.

Moving (in more ways than one)

By Chrissy Widmayer

I made the drive out to Fairfax today. I arrived mid-evening just before the sun went down. It's a ten hour drive from Michigan, and I was bedraggled. I somehow missed the exciting moment when I crossed over into Virginia, but nothing will match the feeling of relief I felt the moment I saw the "Welcome to the City of Fairfax" sign. The sun was low in the sky and filtering through the trees, casting it in (no kidding) a halo of light. A mixture of relief and excitement crashed through me, along with a feeling of purpose and sureness. This was the moment I've been hurling towards for the past year.

Now, I lie on an air mattress on the floor of my dark bedroom in my new, mostly empty, townhouse. It's not dark because it's night (though it is) or because I'm getting ready for bed (though I am), but because our power is not on. Due to the flurry of moving, and a number of other circumstances out of our control, we couldn't get our electricity turned on until tomorrow. Luckily, I have a friend who lives next door who let me steal his internet, use his microwave, and hang out in his air conditioning until I decided it was time for bed. We then, rather humorously, inflated my air mattress using his electricity and carried it over to my house. I felt it was important I get to know this little plot of land that will be mine for the next year, even in it's most barren, empty state.

And now, of course, in the darkness and the emptiness, there is more than enough room for thoughts. Thoughts about moving, the strangeness of making a home in a new place. Thoughts of moving forward. And, lying here on my stomach, listening to the crickets out the open window, I realized that I'm ready. I'm ready for this change. I'm ready to be here, take this step, and do this thing right. For the past year, I've been unemployed, unhappy, in a stagnant state. But today, I feel in motion. Physically moving has made me feel like I'm moving intellectually, emotionally, creatively. I feel better than I have in a long time.

For the past few months, I've been full of anxiety, stress, nerves, worry. And yes, all of that is still lingering at the edge of my mind, but, for a while now, I've been waiting for the excitement to set in. Yes, I've said I was excited. I've even felt some excitement for abstract things related to my MFA experience. But today, right now, sitting in the dark and living by the light of my computer and my cell phone, I feel excited. I feel ready. All the negative emotions I've been feeling have completely dissipated. The darkness is gone. Tomorrow I'll wake up to the sun rising outside my window. There will be light (and hopefully electricity) and everything will feel new. And I, for the first time in over a year, will be happy to blink awake with the sun, get up, and start afresh. For the first time, I'm ready. I'm moving. And I can tell: I'm headed somewhere good.

Intro: Chrissy Widmayer, George Mason University (Class of 2013)

Hello! My name is Chrissy Widmayer (not to be confused with the original Chrissy here on MFA Chronicles) and I'll be studying nonfiction in George Mason University's MFA program starting this fall.

I'm a 23-year-old from the beautiful state of Michigan where I've lived my entire life, except for the six months I spent studying Spanish and international relations in Quito, Ecuador during undergrad. Like many people, I left undergrad with a degree and a passion. Though I majored in political science at Kalamazoo College, I came away with a need to tell stories. Having studied documentary filmmaking as well as poetry, playwriting, screenwriting and creative nonfiction, it was merely a choice of which direction to take. Luckily, George Mason's program requires cross-genre studies, which suits me just fine.

I was thrust into the MFA online community during my extremely anxious application season. I applied ten places in two genres (poetry and nonfiction), and was horribly impatient to find out where I'd end up. After a summer spent in Chicago interning for PBS, I was forced to move back in with my parents. Southeast Michigan is known for it's unbearably high unemployment rate, and I remained unemployed and unhappy until I applied for my MFA. This community kept me breathing and positive as rejections rolled in. They cheered me on as I got accepted at California College of the Arts and Emerson, and got wait-listed at George Mason. I made friends online who became friends in real life (like fellow MFA Chronicler, Laura). Everyone in the MFA online community supported me, rejoiced with me, cried with me, watched the Olympics with me, and helped me get through it all. It was on April 15th, when I had to accept or decline my spot at Emerson, that I got off the wait-list with similar funding at George Mason. The decision was gruesome and difficult, but with the help and support of my MFA friends, I am completely certain I ended up choosing the right place for me. After a year of unemployment and odd jobs (I've worked as a substitute teacher, a video editor, and a standardized test scorer), I'm looking forward to starting school again just a couple of weeks.

My writing focuses mostly on womanhood and living life as a fat woman. I write a blog about body and size acceptance, and talk about everything from politics and feminism, to fashion and Harry Potter. I am avid Harry Potter fan (superfan, you might say), and I love movies, music and board games. My favorite place in the world to be is on the shores of Lake Michigan. I hate mushrooms and love peppermint ice cream. I adore elephants, ducks, and cutesy-sounding words that have double letters in them (i.e. bubbles, giggle, fluffy). I'm always laughing, and often have a hard time explaining why I'm laughing to my friends and family. In October, I'll be an aunt for the first time, when my older sister has a baby. Both she and my older brother live within twenty minutes from my parents, so it will be extremely difficult for me to move away.

I'm looking forward to posting here and getting to know all of you. I can't believe the beginning of my MFA life is drawing so near! I'm certain I'll have much more to post in the coming weeks as the start of the program looms. I can't wait to start posting!

First Year Wrap-Up (GMU)

by Jennifer Brown

With the exception of one workshop—and I’m not “up”—I’ve completed year one of my MFA program. And what springs to mind is this: Thank god it is a three-year program! If it were two years, I’d be moving on to my thesis and thinking about graduating, and I’m not even close to ready for that. I feel like I’ve just now become adjusted, just now learned how to read closely enough to participate fully in class, just now learned some of the basics of writing decent fiction. I still feel very much like a beginner and I am glad I’ll have an extra year to work on technique before I move on to the novel that will be my thesis.

The most important thing that has happened this year is that I’ve realized how bad I am. You can’t spend large amounts of time every week devoted to reading the likes of Hemingway and Faulkner and come away thinking you are a “good” writer. You just can’t. But the great thing about the realization that you aren’t any good yet is that you can move on from there—you can get your bearings and learn and improve and even reach for the stars. Knowing how far you have to go is knowledge—and that is a great thing.

As far as my writing is concerned, it has improved 100 percent, and I’ve learned more in one year than I had hoped to learn over the course of the whole program. I’m still struggling terribly with the idea of story, but I’m finding my “voice,” and liking it. I’m enjoying the creation of elegant sentences and working with the great art of description as much as I’ve ever enjoyed anything. I’m confident that getting a handle on how to tell a story will come with practice and lots of reading. I am to write a novella this summer and I’m both excited about it and terrified. But at least I feel I have the tools to do it.

The decision to go through an MFA program was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Conferences? Summer Plans?

by Jennifer Brown

My semester is wrapping up and I’m thinking about plans for the summer. For the past several years I’ve done workshops at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival. It was always a great experience—especially the year I had the pleasure of working with Bret Anthony Johnston, who is an amazing writing teacher. But Bret doesn’t teach there anymore, and I feel like I’ve outgrown the festival a bit. So this year I decided to try and get in somewhere a little more competitive. I’ve applied to three places—Bread Loaf, Sewanee, and Tin House—with my preference being in that order (I’m already on the east coast). I got an acceptance letter from Tin House today, but I don’t expect to hear back from Sewanee for another couple of weeks, and I don’t expect to hear back from Bread Loaf until the end of May. Damn, waiting is hard! I think GMU has funds available to grad students who attend summer conferences, but I don’t know the details—I’ve put in an email to the grad programs manager for more information.

I've put up a video about Tin House on my personal blog--you can find it HERE.

Anyone else going to a summer conference? Does your school help you out with the cost of attendance? Maybe some of us will end up in the same place and can meet up?

Summer plans everyone?

One Semester Down, Five to Go!

By Jennifer Brown

One semester down, 5 more to go!  I hope I keep learning as much as I did this semester.  Over the past four months my writing improved even more than I thought it would over the course of my entire program.  Most of this is thanks to a professor who got on me about my verbs in our first assignment:  I had used the passive voice in just about every other sentence without even thinking about it.  Now, whenever I’m working on something not only do I go back over the piece and re-write every sentence with a “to be” verb, I go back over most of the verbs and make sure that they are the strongest and most precise available.   Strong verbs, strong verbs, strong verbs!  Strong nouns are important too, but I come by those a little more naturally (in other words without the constant help of the thesaurus).

There are many interesting classes to take at George Mason—the list of available classes for each semester always makes me feel like I’ve picked the right place do my MFA.  This past semester I took a required Forms of Fiction class, where we read and wrote each week; a Setting class, where we read and wrote each week; and a literature class.  I am really tied to place in my work, so the Setting class was perfect for me.  And speaking of perfect—I couldn’t believe it when I saw the list of classes for next semester.  There is a “War Writing” class offered—and I’m thinking of doing a war novel for my thesis!  I take that as a sign from the gods that I’m on the right track with my thoughts about my thesis.   In addition to War Writing, I have Fiction Workshop and Forms of Nonfiction next semester.  I’m taking Forms of Nonfiction because at GMU we must take a cross-genre class (which is something I really like about the program). 

I also became involved with our program’s lit mag: Phoebe.  We are required to do an MFA project before graduation and I intend for this to be it.   I am a reader for the journal and I’ve done some admin work as well.  I enjoy reading the submissions—the bad ones make me feel so much better about my own writing, and the good ones are such a joy to read.  It’s like panning for gold—every once in a while you find a nice nugget.  Also this kind of thing is right up my alley having been a magazine editor in my most recent pre-MFA life.  

Finally, I’ve done something I couldn’t manage to do while I was practicing law or while I was running a national magazine—I’ve taken advantage of the fitness facilities on campus (mainly the pool) and lost about 20 lbs.  The moral of that story is: try to take advantage of all of the free resources available to you on campus.  At GMU there are so many; for example we have a performing arts center that brings in everything from opera to the circus and we get free tickets.   

So to my fellow MFAers, congrats on finishing your first semester, and to all of you out there who are applying right now—going to George Mason to study creative writing is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.  Can you become a great writer outside of an MFA program?  Yes, of course.  But probably not anywhere near as fast as you can inside of a program. 

Happy Holidays!

 

The Writing I'm Doing in My Program

by Jennifer Brown

I thought I’d let everyone know what kind of writing I’m doing in my program, which is a lot more than I’d expected to be doing given that I don’t have workshop this first semester.  I wanted to go for an MFA because I knew it would force me to write a lot more than I ever would on my own—and I’m getting what I wanted. 

I have two classes that require what others may not consider a lot of writing, but that is a lot for me (plus I have a lit class that requires academic papers).  

In my Forms of Fiction class it looks like we will be writing a 3-4 page story each week after we turn in our first 3-4 pager on the 28^th, and we have to turn in a full 20 page story at the end of the class.  The first mini-story, due on the 28^th, is a journey story, written in conjunction with our first reading, which was The Odyssey.  In later weeks we will be reading and writing fables, fairy tales, a coming of age story (Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man for the reading! Yay!), etc.  I’ve already started and tossed two journey stories into the trash, and I’m now on my third attempt, which I hope will be ok.  I think I’m being a little obsessive—but it is the first thing we are reading aloud in class!

In my Setting class we had our first assignment that I turned in this week, which was to go up to the top of a hill at dawn and write 500-1000 words about the light.  I loved doing it.  Due this week are two 500-1000 word pieces written in response to D.H. Lawrence’s “St. Mawr” (A gorgeous book if you haven’t read it.  Some of his prose is downright rhapsodic).   I’ve started both of these pastiches, one of which I like, and one of which I hate and need to do a lot more work on. 

So as you can see I have great assignments that are pushing me to write, and to write stuff I would never have written on my own.  But to be honest I’m struggling a bit. You see, I am one of those people who takes forever to write something.  I have only one story I would consider finished, and it is only 9 pages and it took me over a year.  I write the first paragraph, and then I start to revise it, and revise it, and revise it.  You can see how this means that I never get anything done.  So a 3-4 page paper, plus a couple of 1000 word pastiches is a TON of writing for me.  But I’m so glad. 

This is exactly what I signed up for.  

The First and Second Week

by Jennifer Brown

Hi all.  Well, I've got the first week and a truncated (thanks Labor Day!) second week under my belt.  This grad school stuff is hard.  I'm actually finding it a bit tougher than law school was.  I've written a post about my first week and a half that can be found on my personal blog HERE.  Hope everyone is doing well!

George Mason Orientation

I had orientation last night!  It was a longish deal, with a reception for all of the GMU grad students, followed by remarks in a big auditorium, followed by an English Department orientation followed by an MFA orientation.

The reception was exactly the kind of thing I suck at --- standing around with a bunch of strangers making small talk.  The conversations all involved the same questions, mainly “Where are you living?” and “What classes are you taking?”  You notice I don’t mention asking about genre.  Know why?  Well, I’ll tell you why.  When we arrived they gave us those sticky name tags.  On them were both name and genre.  Name in big letters, genre in tiny letters.  Now I hate name tags.  Mainly because I have a huge chest and people always end up leaning over toward my boobs and I find that embarrassing.  But last night, even more embarrassing, was that I found myself doing it to other women, because of course I wanted to know everyone’s genre.  So there I was leaning over people and staring at their chests.  If only the genres had been in a font that was a little bigger, we wouldn’t have been all up on each other.  Oh well.  The good news is that everyone was really nice (although I confess to feeling old and wondering if at 38 I am the oldest), and my fear of meeting new people evaporated pretty quickly.  Even if it hadn’t, I would have been ok, because I already have a friend that I met through the MFA Blog before coming to school and she is hilarious.  We went around to all the little tables that groups had set up and took their loot.  We got balls from the athletic centers and luggage tags from the study abroad office.  

Next they packed all of us new grad students into an auditorium (which we had to walk to, up a huge-a$$ flight of stairs) where they had several people speak to us about the graduate school experience.  You are from many countries. . . GMU has top programs in. . . there are many resources here to help you. . . this is how I found balance in my work/school/family life. . . blah blah.  You know the drill.

Next, I went to yet another building for the English Department orientation, which consisted of about 4 people introducing themselves so that we would know who they are.  I don’t remember any of them, although their titles sounded important.

Finally, came the good part.  I went to yet another building for MFA orientation.  Here I counted 30 of us, including fiction, nonfiction and poets.  It was exciting to all sit in the same room together.  Our program director gave us handbooks and a ton of information about classes, thesis committees, building community, independent study, projects, etc. Here, better than the balls and luggage tags from the all-grad orientation, I got something awesome!  A grey t-shirt that says “Mason MFA Writer.”

So, as of last night, that is what I am.  A Mason MFA Writer.  I couldn’t be more excited.   

Jennifer Brown (George Mason Class of 2012)

Hi there. I’m Jennifer Brown, a former actress, turned lawyer, turned magazine editor, turned MFA candidate at George Mason University's program. Yep, I gave up a career as a tax attorney and editor of a national magazine to pursue my dream of writing a novel --- and I couldn’t be more excited!

I’m on the older side --- 38. I live in a little house in Falls Church, Virginia that is about a 30 minute drive from GMU’s campus with my boyfriend and a large Maine Coon cat. I already lived here in Northern VA, so I didn’t have to move for school, which is great. My classes start on August 31 --- “Forms of Fiction,” “Setting,” and a Mark Twain lit class. I write pretty short stuff --- most of my stories are about 2500 words. I write some flash too. I’m unpublished but submitting. Most of my stuff is heavy on setting, and most of it is set in the Shenandoah Valley where my boyfriend has a little house on a river. For some strange reason I love writing about grass and fields.

Finally, I haven’t even started school yet but I’ve already got a homework story for you. Check this out: In early May I get an email on my George Mason account directed to those of us registered in this fall’s “Setting” class. It reads something to the effect of “please read (or reread) Moby Dick over the summer.” And that is it. So I proceed to read (not reread) Moby Dick. After almost two months I am about three quarters of the way through the book, and another email comes in: “Please read or reread Moby-Dick, marking in particular those passages where Ishmael uses metaphors of land to describe the sea.” Good lord. MFA homework has begun. I guess I’ll be re-reading Moby Dick after all.